Made to love.

Day 3

Okay. Day three I kind of  mega, super cheated. I think it’s hard to really define a random act of kindness - it looks different to everybody. 8:30PM rolled around, Matt and I were leaving a party and I had the “omgihaven’tdonemyrandomactofkindnessyet” revelation. Slightly perplexed, he mentioned that I had just gone to a birthday party, gift in hand, and that we were headed to a going away party, trinket of love (friendship bracelet) securely placed in an envelope, wasn’t that an act of kindness? I say yeah I guess, but not a RANDOM act of kindness. It’s different. Isn’t it? It is. 

Unsure we’d make it through the next party with eyes wide open, we decided to stop for coffee.

“You can buy me coffee if you want for your random act of kindness.” Matt said smiling.

“Yeah, okay, but you’ll know I’m doing it so it’s not random anymore so it doesn’t count. Ugh this is hard.” I shook my head.

He had an answer: “I’ll act surprised.” 

So I did and he did and we both laughed and I guess that was my random act of kindness. 

Matt sipped his espresso as I drove off, “This is going to get really expensive for you.” 

“Yeah,” I replied, “I’m going to have to get creative.”

I knew I needed to really look beyond myself from here on out. Something needed to change. I should never get so wrapped up in my very busy life that I can’t take the time to be thoughtful, caring and nicer than I think I’m being. I think I’m nice. I can always be much nicer. It’s obvious I can’t rely on myself alone for something so big. 

Day 1
I’m going to be honest, Day 1 was an after thought. I bought one of the volunteers at the radio station I work at lunch before she left for the day to go to her real job. She appreciated it, but I probably would have done it anyway, so I’m not sure it actually counts. 

Day 2
I felt incredibly lame about day one all evening and into the next morning. Day two just had to be “real.”

I remember about seven or eight years ago driving out of state with a friend, going through a toll and learning that the person in front of us had already paid our fee. It was a true random act of kindness. We tried to catch up with the car to wave or thumbs up or yell words of gratitude, but they had sped off. I knew that day one didn’t feel right to me because the person I bought lunch for knew I had done it and so I got recognition for it and it…just didn’t feel right to me. But being a masked gift-giver, no matter how small the gift, that’s the feeling I craved.

I almost never buy coffee anymore. I get so much more joy out of my newfound french press habit that stopping for coffee before work doesn’t even cross my mind. (Weeee! French Press!) I decided in an effort to emulate the feeling the masked toll payer gave me that one night a hundred years ago, I was going to, well, do the same thing. Seeing as I pass zero tolls but 107 Starbucks drive-thrus on my way to work, my option was a no brainer. I pulled up to the busy Starbucks line about two miles from my house. I was anxious. Who was going to pull up behind me? Who was this person getting free caffeine on a Friday morning?

Nobody pulled up behind me.

I inched forward, glancing every two seconds into my rearview mirror.

Nobody. 

‘Oh, come on,’ I thought, ‘I know I’m late for everything always but I can’t possibly be late to the coffee party. Doesn’t the coffee party go all day? It’s Starbucks!’

The minutes ticked by. I sighed. A moment of panic as I pulled up to the speaker rushed over me. I already drank coffee today, I didn’t actually need more or know what to order (need shmeed, I ordered a grande drip with cream. Boooooo-raaaang). I said a quick prayer that went something like “God, whoever needs this today badly, please put them behind me.”

A car rounded the corner. I smiled. My breathing quickened. This car with two ladies about my age was going to be my RAoK for the day. 

I pulled to the window. 

“$2.11.” the handsome green aproned, smiley barista said. Nice work with the customer service, Sbux.

“Um. I. Can I pay for the car behind me too, please?” I whispered. As if they could hear me. The girls behind me were animatedly chatting. That made me happy.

“Sure!”

I paid, I sped off, feeling incredibly high. I assume this is what stealing is like, but the opposite.

[I’m sorry, I have to stop here. My dog just stuck his tongue in my mouth in an effort to lick my face and last I saw he was trying to eat another dog’s poop…So I’m suddenly very busy.]

Can you freakin tell? The past three months of my tumblr have been full of not finishing a November of things I’m thankful for and only taking like three photos for the February photo thing I got really excited about. 

But Lent, Lent I can do. I think giving something up or doing something that may take extra thought and positivity for a certain amount of time -whether a week or a year or 40 days- no matter your religion - is healthy and beneficial. In the past I haven’t really done much for Lent until 2011. 2010 I tried to give up Facbeook but my boss nixed that one so I just…well that was it for Lent, I stopped thinking about it (ambitious). 2011 I bit off way more than I could chew and gave up things that weren’t even rational (I pretty much only succeeded at giving up French fries in a list of 7ish things).  This year, it’s different to me.  This year…this year…I get it. This year it’s not just for me. It’s not just connecting to God and the universe in a new way. This year, it’s for others.

40 days of Random Acts of Kindness.

I contemplated not writing about this. I don’t want people to be all “omg that’s so nice!” because it’s not always. So far, 5 days into it, it’s hard, and sometimes I don’t want to go out of my way to do nice things because I am a flawed human being who is stuck in my head, though in my day-to-day life I feel like my heart leans towards the random-acts-of-kindness realm. 

I’m thinking about the past five days and laughing at myself…and adding in an eye roll for good measure. I’m just gonna be honest here for the next 40 days. There’s no way I can sugar coat this. 40 days of being randomly kind. No matter what.